Chaos!
When I first came across this word in my life, I chose the conventional path of referring a dictionary and religiously dug out the meaning.
The dictionary left me feeling miffed with two conflicting viewpoints on chaos.
It described chaos as:
#1 - The infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe
#2 - A state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order
Believe me when I tell you, I got simply carried away by the first interpretation.
I ended up reciting the word chaos repetitively in my self-talks, introduced it to some of my friends and started adding it to every sentence of mine (when I got irreparably frustrated and irritated).
The word enslaved me. Speaking aloud and while endeavoring to write faster, I made sure that chaos continues to be a regular attendant in my worries, stress and hypertension.
Chaos didn't bother me much till I saw it grow arrogant and start backbiting. The sudden change in its characterization made me take a stance against chaos; I started rethinking it; as an identity, an insignia, an impossibility and also an irritant.
Times change. So, I am in a new timezone. This time, a new obsession has taken over. This obsession was actually born out of my reconstructed approach towards chaos.
The reconstructed approach involves treating chaos as a condition without form. I envision chaos as malice, which takes the shape, size and form of the situation we are in. Post which, it continues to grow, starts taking control of the sensory organs, tightens its grip and holds the mind captive.
Chaos, I believe has polluted my blood; infiltrated into my DNA. I am aware of the crisis, this uneasy feeling that chaos continues to expose me to. The frequency of this feeling was massive when I was living alone in a city, not too far from Mumbai. After I returned, I was lucky to find chaos sporting a leaner look. The change in personality is a welcome change and has opened new avenues for chaos to overrule.
I am not in a mood to keep fighting against chaos; I would rather allow it to stay closer to me. Therefore chaos and I are doing absolutely fine. Maybe someday I too would say something similar in the manner, Dushka Zapata, the author has tried to put it - Creating order out of chaos is not something I’d ever consider a chore. It clears my head. I do it for fun. Doing laundry is instant gratification. Taking something rumpled, stained and smelly and turning it into something fresh, fluffy and neatly stacked is my idea of heaven.
Happy to repeat and conclude - Chaos and I are doing absolutely fine.
- Virtuous Vociferous
