Tuesday, April 09, 2013

IN QUEST OF THE WRITER/WRITERS WITHIN & AROUND


Barring the long serpentine title above, I wish to confess this post of mine comes after a long overhaul of experiences. At the same time, it might seem like a chronicle of confessions. My blog has been suffering of late because of two reasons: 1) Procrastination and 2) Pessimism. I had made myself as well as my blog grow susceptible to both. Until the thought came striking within me; what is it that I am in quest of?

The quest is about the long suppressed writer within me and the omnipresent breed of budding writers around me. To be honest, I am not a skilled writer but I enjoy the skill of writing spontaneously. At the same time, the cumbersome breed of budding writers makes me realize about the serious lack of passion that we all are suffering from. The passion has gone missing for long. I myself have lost a count of times, I felt like giving up my profession and looking ahead to an alternative career. A great soul had long back advised me, the vocation of writing is susceptible to saturation. I wished not to heed the advice. I ignored and I implored myself to not give up. Today during my almost a decade-old journey of creative writing, at times I feel let down. I feel let down not by others but by me, myself. I question myself as to why I limited myself from acquiring more knowledge.

A self confessed daydreamer, I’ve been cooking stories from my college days about how I wish to become a writer. To this date, I’ve seen those daydreams culminate into bitter nightmares. Simultaneously I’ve been challenged by the new breed of me-too-want-to-become breed of writers. They talk to me in the language of Stephenie Meyer and they argue with me with the temperament of E. L. James. I still enjoy my passionate affair with the morning newspapers. They ignore this old world charm of reading by using F.O-with-old-habits expression. Am I jealous of them? To be honest, I don’t have the right to be. Do I feel humiliated? No! All I feel is that the passion is dead. Most of them are writing with their minds in place and not the hearts in place. They are resistant to the idea of rewriting. They are reluctant to the idea of rethinking. 

Am I any different? I will slap myself, if I say I am different. I will be dishonest, if I say I haven’t turned technical. I have become very methodical with my writing. I have grown more dependent on briefs. For years, I haven’t seen a proper brief come my way and have still been held responsible for the debacle of a campaign. But for a writer, what is the significance of a brief? For a copywriter like me, the brief’s significance and importance will never lose its steam. Even though, the seamless writer in me doesn’t desire to bow down to the demands of the outer world; I bow down shamelessly. Creative writing makes me earn my bread and butter. Seamless writing helps me earn only accolades, appreciation, applause and audience.

Friends ask me, “What happened to the book that you had started writing?”

To be honest, I had started with many books, many ideas but have completed none. My stories have revolved around the dark alleys of Mumbai, travelled into the grey sheds of prostitution dens, delved into the shallow world of complicated relationships, dug the truth out of partly exposed skeletons, stood a mute witness to the most passionate physical affairs of a seedy hotel room, got interested in the mind games of child widows and ran naked on a street of fully clothed bystanders. The writer in me, never really took off or maybe I held it back from taking off.

Does that make me sound like a loser? I haven’t given it a thought. Am I frustrated with the world of creative writing for advertising? To a certain extent, I am. I wish to ask a question – Why are we writers not allowed to write passionately about brands? Why we are not allowed to weave a lovely story around the brand? Why we are asked to follow guidelines? And why there is so less time allowed to explore the many possibilities of writing?

The new breed of writers might be in love with the term ‘turnaround time’. I am neither awed nor wowed by that word. It makes me feel sick of being a writer. The little bit of passion left in me as a writer, starts fading away. ‘Turnaround Time’ is a term established by the dispassionate world of BPOs and KPOs. Trying to sound not that offensive, these places lack the sanity for writers to survive. For heaven’s sake when someone comes to me asking for ‘Effort Estimate’ of a task that requires me to be on board as a writer, I squirm! The writer within me dies a million deaths while filling the many green, yellow, red and violet columns of an Excel worksheet.

As a writer, I’ve fielded many questions and misconceptions. One of them has been the most clichéd – Even though you are a writer, you don’t look like a writer. Only to be followed by another clichéd – You don’t look like a corporate, but seem more of a creative person. The world has problems with the old as well as new breed of writers. Why should we be answerable to misconceptions? Why are we not left alone at peace with our passion to write? 

I never started writing with a ‘me-too-wants-to-be-a-writer’ attitude. I always was a great fan of the story sessions; my Didu (maternal grandmother) enthralled me with. Her stories were always about positive people. She spoke more about victorious kings, dedicated queens and kingdoms of happiness. Stepping into adulthood, I started reading more about conspiring kings, deceiving queens and doomed kingdoms. Did that change my perception towards my granny’s passion of storytelling? Certainly not! It was her passion of telling stories in a positive light. In today’s world, it is my passion of narrating stories in a negative light. But barriers are being raised that is seriously hampering the growth of my passion. The new breed might sound speaking passionately about writing. But it is only money that is pulling them towards this profession. They are interested more in the lucrative side of writing. They are ignorant about the irrational side of writing.

Even though I have been writing in different forms for the last one decade and a little more but I am yet to deliver my best. The quest is incessant. At times, I am on quest of a creative habitat that helps me do justice to my passion of writing. I have been a nomad in travelling to various destinations just to be at peace with myself and writing. But many a restless souls have not allowed the writer in me to be in full elements. At the same time, I think it is extremely untoward and unexpected of me to raise my shameless head and hold others responsible for discounting my presence as a writer! I have been equally dishonest and brutal to the writer within me.

Thirteen years back when I had embarked on this journey of writing, very few opportunities were presented to me to flex my writing skills. In today’s age, I willingly extend an olive branch to the new breed of curious writers. But they upset me when they burn the passion within and try to move ahead on the wrong path. I never stop them. But they start growing over smart. Ignoring the passion for writing, they start growing passionate about the many other social maladies. I am not insensible to their desires. But I am insensitive to their pathetic attitude towards the joy of writing.

Nearing the pinnacle of this blog post, I still see myself being on a quest for the suppressed writer within me. And I still find myself abandoned by the dispassionate writers around me. Lack of creative freedom, presence of wrong mindsets and some untoward terms like ‘turnaround time’, ‘effort estimate’ and ‘timesheets’ are driving the yet to be discovered side of us writers  crazy. Even if I try to pretend to be sane, I am not sane. Even though I try to deliver the best, I am delivering crap. For the simple reason being, the quest of the writer within and the writers around is unquenchable. And the struggle continues to demand more creative freedom, more creative space to grow and become a desirable writer some day before we meet with our easy or painful ends!

-vociferous