THE ANGER WITHIN

I dread God. I dread strangers. But, what I dread most is the anger within me. It is a baseless phenomenon which contaminates my inner conscience. It makes me think about all the wrong things in life. My mom keeps on reminding me of ancient saint, who never uttered a word when in meditation. God and nature inflicted various severities on them during their phase of meditation but they stayed unperturbed.

No, I am not a saint. I am a normal human being with an abnormal perception towards life. A little bit of moderate attention paid to me causes agony to my ego. Sometimes, I can’t realise, how my innermost egoistic attitudes outgrows my regular day behaviour.

When I was born, my grandma applied honey on my tongue and ears so that I can speak sweet and listen sweet. But, that nectar gradually transformed into a bitter fluid, which went on getting dangerous. I started dreading it. That fluid is now all over my body. The inner self is the most affected by it. It has blended with the blood and has adulterated my emotions. There are times, when I fail to shed tears at most grieved moments.

The anger within, like cancer, is killing me from within. This cancer is incurable. Researchers have not yet come across the right formula to immune people like me from this dreaded disease.

With the passage of time, I am growing to be the most dreaded being (just a being – no human being). Please forgive me God for the heinous deeds of mine. I know I have failed to be a good son. My mother loves me but I fail to remain committed to her love. Please purify me of my sins. I want to live a normal life. I want to get rid of this inner dreaded self of mine.

The anger within, threatens me, abuses me and reminds of disturbed past, a confusing present and an unpredictable future. The clutches of self generated anger has clamped me to on a thorny bed and evils of frustration are inflicting millions of atrocities on my mind and body.

I dread it. Anger is evil, I understand. But, I fail to survive without it. The Anger Within is painful. Please forgive me.