DECEMBER DIARY PAGE 4 – Migration is an expression

I love the way, 
2019 shaped my life; 
in absolutely golden and 
immensely memorable ways. 

It was not an unusual message to be delivered on WhatsApp this morning. But I loved the composition. A white mug of freshly brewed coffee was placed in front of a laptop. The activity on the laptop screen was partly visible. An uncluttered view that it appeared to be; the message seemed like the right expression to wrap up 2019. The message read – Last coffee of 2019. 

So, it was the caption; ‘Last coffee of 2019’, which intrigued the mind. Struck by sudden realization, I said to myself - The year ends today. All those 365 days in our credit, will be debited today. And, as the year ends, I am left to wonder, if there is anything to look back to! On that account, I would like to quote Ginger Rogers, an American artist – Looking back at my life’s voyage, I can only say that it has been a golden trip. Seeking inspiration from the same quote, I would say – I love the way, life was in 2019; absolutely golden and immensely memorable. 

Thus, during lunch hour, I stepped out and I got to know about the various migratory plans. Yes, there is a migration that shall take place, right in the middle of the night. We shall flock together, hug strangers, kiss lovers, make love, raise a toast, smoke a cigar, drain champagne, scare people; only to say a goodbye to the year, which would gain the status of ‘past’. In this case, it would be 2019. Some of us will choose to go beyond extremes. 

We will build effigies; these effigies will be that of 2019. We will dress it up with a set of oldest pair of clothes. To give it a personality, we will put up a mask of Santa Claus on the round tip of the effigy. We will call this masked part, the face of the effigy. This will make the effigy look more human. We shall also source an old Christmas cap or maybe, we shall buy a new one and place it on the head of this effigy. We will stuff this effigy with hay, used newspapers, wasted papers and some other material. When the night grows a little sexier and wiser, during midnight, we will commence with our annual sporting event of burning these effigies. Trust me, year after year, this ghastly sight saddens me. The way we treat the year bygone is horrendous. We show no mercy. We treat it like an old man, whom we don’t wish to see again. Is a year’s time old enough to be treated so badly? Such is the behavior because we are fascinated with the violent art of burning effigies; the reason to do so, never matters. 

But this burning and this destruction is a part and parcel of the process called migration. The idea of migration is never a good idea. Most of us carry within us the frustration of perils, we faced; the failures, which broke us; the heartbreaks, we couldn’t handle. Thus, when we are ready to migrate to a New Year, we wish to put up a show. This show has been going on; year after year, consistently. And there has been no greater show than the extravagance of migration on the face of this earth. 

Ban Ki-Moon, a South Korean politician had put it in the most appropriate words. He had said and I quote – Migration is an expression of the human aspiration for dignity, safety and a better future. It is part of the social fabric, part of our very make-up as a human family. So, now it becomes easier for us to understand the euphoria behind this migration; from 2019 to 2020. We are happy. If we aren’t happy, we are SUPPOSED to be happy. 

Happiness also helps us bring out the stranger within us. Some of us aren’t satisfied with the simplistic structure of celebrating this migration. Years of observation have brought into focus, the art of some geniuses. These geniuses have been seen pouring alcohol on the effigies of an old man (the so called old or departing year); some have been caught urinating; the highest numbers have always rested with the one who has been spotted dragging an effigy from one corner of a city, to the farthest corner of a nation caught in a frenzy.

And, here we are; eight more hours for the migration to kick off. I hope you’ve got the stock ready to burn down 2019 and kick off 2020! So, before I say my personal goodbye to 2019, I wish to hug it; kiss it; applaud for it, for being the best year for me. If you wish to know WHY? Then we may need another migration or a new season of migration; 365 days down the line; from 2020-2021. Till then, it is a goodbye from Virtuous Vociferous. And I bid a goodbye with the words below.

Every year is a phenomenon
To celebrate their arrivals
Is a human experience 
Of intense nature.

- Virtuous Vociferous | December 31 | December Blog-4 | Never Settle | 2019

DECEMBER DIARY PAGE 3 – On ground zero of resolutions

A resolution is a seed, 
we sow excitedly.
But we might end up 
burying it forever.

The table lamp is right here; it’s hiding behind its own darkness. The camera is right here; it’s hiding behind its own dysfunctionality. The diary is right here; it’s hiding behind its own blankness.

Blankness is like blindness. You have a pair of eyes; there is no vision in it. You have a mind; there is no thought in it.

In short, everything is blank; almost zero.

So, if we are on Ground Zero, we need to outgrow ourselves. Some outgrow themselves by getting into action and staying in action. And some go out, crossover to the other side, learn a new language; only to end up asking – What’s your New Year Resolution?

Resolution is the most underestimated noun of our times.

Max Lucado, an author had once written or said somewhere – Conflict is inevitable, but combat is optional.
The question – What’s your New Year Resolution – is the conflict.
The reply – Whether we should react or not react – is the combat.

My life hasn’t remained untouched by the conflict. Only I chose to put up a combat in somewhat this manner – A resolution is a seed, we sow excitedly; right in the beginning of the New Year, or by the end of the fading year. For 365 days, we keep talking about it relentlessly. But, we fail to realize; we might have buried that seed beneath our own war of egos, expectations and exigencies.

In simple words, if we can’t stick to our resolutions; why should we be loud about it?

Resolutions are personal. We don’t have to make it trend on social media or make it go viral on multiple platforms. Neither are we required to hold huge placards, assuring our support to the saga of making resolutions; following resolutions.

Long back, a friend had said, his resolution was to live a happily married life. Two years later, he resolved; he would never remarry. 

But, is the habit of making a resolution such a negative process? There might and there definitely will be better stories. It is only in my personal space; I make or create an opinion about something; but not somebody.

Do resolutions give our life, a new direction? Do resolutions shape our life in some way? Do resolutions take us ahead?

We will never have a reply to the above questions. And yet, when someone asks – What’s your New Year Resolution? I would simply reply – My resolution is to not make any resolution. 


- Virtuous Vociferous | December 09 | December Blog-3 | Never Settle | 2019

DECEMBER DIARY PAGE 2 – Until the ripples die away

Death after death 
is much more painful 
than death after life.

Terry Pratchett, the humorist had once said – No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away. Before, I could cause my own ripple, my body was thrown in the dungeon. The last sight of my toe was also my last ever connect with the real world. I was not put on pyre. Because no one is left with any time to lit a pyre. Trust me; until your eyes caught sight of my toe, I had still fell alive. Once inside the dungeon, I choked badly. It was death after death, which is much more painful than death after life.

Now that I am gone, you will be required to install a photograph of mine in the drawing room. Black and white photographs are not liked any more. So, please don’t make a mockery of yourself by putting up one. Visitors will queue outside. Some of them will be here for the first time; some of them will be those who had stopped visiting us suddenly; some of them will be the regulars, who kept coming during occasions of happiness and grief.

Please don’t remember or miss me anymore. Try forgetting me and erasing me, my signs from everywhere, which still bears the energies of my painful presence. I am no more alive. I am dead. I have become a ghost. The fire inside the dungeon burnt my skin; the fire was harsh on my hair; the fire turned my already frail body into an unusual lump of nothingness. My ordeal of diesel induced immolation didn’t take much time to get over. Going by the process of rituals, you will have to collect what is left of me in an aluminum tray. Those government employees were not too kind while pulling out my last remains from the dungeon. They left the aluminum tray out in the open. I felt vulnerable to the crows. They kept polishing their beaks to make away with their favorite parts of me. I guess, I had some good luck left with me; the crows missed me. Or they weren’t interested in the burnt remains of a diseased body.

The conversations will get boring now. Many would come, sit by your side, put up a sad face of yours; don’t be surprised to see some replicate your sad pose. Most of them will be curious to know the real reason of my death. Even though, half of them are aware of it, they would want you to repeat the reason. This is a strange habit, born out of binge watching back to back episodes of their favorite series on OTT platforms. Some are prone to repeat watches. So they won’t mind a repeat of the reason of my death, they might have already been aware of. 

Don’t pay any attention to those, who remark – We still can’t believe he is no more. Don’t they know, nothing is permanent in this world! This human body is perishable too. There will also be those, who will surprise you by saying – We felt, we just saw him. Absolutely fake.

Before anyone slips into the role of your mentor and asks you to grow strong, I am advising you in advance to grow strong. Nothing will remain the same. No matter, how much I ask you to not remember me or miss me; you will definitely succumb to the galloping impact of time. My memories will float in your mind; tears will automatically negotiate their release from your eyes. 

Your real work of being related to me, begins now. Since I haven’t left any trail of my possessions, you have to immediately get into fast action mode. You may also need to talk to the priest, choose an appropriate day, to offer your last prayers. Speak to our regular caterer. Ask him to cook my favorite food. Send out invitations to every relative of ours. Rituals of observing the death of a person are far more exhaustive and time consuming than the rituals of a marriage. 

Since we are related to each other, you might be required to shave your head. I leave it up to you. If you aren’t too comfortable moving around with a shaved head; simply avoid! Also; on certain occasions, you may see me in your dreams. Don’t panic. No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away. Who knows, I might still be eager to cause my own ripple!

- Virtuous Vociferous | December 09 | December Blog-2 | Never Settle | 2019

DECEMBER DIARY PAGE 1 – The Haemin Sunim Impact

“I wish I'd had the courage 
to live a life true to myself, 
not the life others expected of me.”

Haemin Sunim. This name has been ringing a bell. One of my dearest friend has got me introduced to this man of great honor. I haven’t read his book – THE THINGS YOU CAN SEE ONLY WHEN YOU SLOW DOWN: HOW TO BE CALM IN A BUSY WORLD. But luckily, some excerpts of this wonderful book have come my way; one again with timely help offered from my dearest friend. 

Picture Courtesy: Google

I therefore wish to dedicate this blog to the various things, I learnt from the excerpts; now available with me. 

Excerpt #1

When someone tells you, “No,”
don’t react emotionally and lose control. 
“No” may open up a surprising new world to you.
“No” may unexpectedly lead you to good people. 
If you begin to push against the unchangeable “No,”
you will suffer in the process and miss other opportunities. 

The above paragraph made me look back at 2019 and the many years prior to that. I was reminded of all the testing times, when a ‘No’ or a series of multiple ‘Nos’ came my way. I did exactly the opposite of what Haemin Sunim has gently advised us not to practice. 
Am I feeling terrible about it? Initially I did. But, I read the lines, a few more times. The core of the message, Haemin wants to put across kept getting clearer. His DON’T is not conveying a negative message. His Don’t is drenched in positive vibes and somewhere he is trying to tell us, “let that NO come our way.” Only reminding me of another lovely suggestion made by another good friend of mine, who had one said, “Be in acceptance. Question everything. Expect nothing.”

Excerpt #2

The world will keep turning even without you.
Let go of the idea that your way is the only way,
that you are the only one who can make it happen.

In simple words, Haemin has said something, which has time and again been the reason of all the stubbornness within me. The world is going to go with the flow. Even if I were to stand like a wall, there are forces which will make a breakthrough. I took some time to accept, I am a human being; I am a small particle of this universe. I am element, which is filled with energy. And I am not the only one to make a million things happen. My way exactly might not be the only way. The heart did break at reading this. But I recovered faster because of the reality these three lines reflect of.

Excerpt #3

Do not lament that the world has changed.
Do not resent that people have changed.
Evaluating the present through the memories of the 
past can cause sadness. 
Whether you like it or not, change is inevitable.
Embrace and welcome it.

So far, I kept sharing the same quote – CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT. But these lines have put that very CHANGE on a very different pedestal. It is a bitter reminder of the many times, I have settled down for breakfast on the dining table. My mom has sat across me and I have definitely evaluated the present through the memories of the past, which has caused sadness, anger, frustration, bitterness and negativity. I know, I can’t like everything. But that everything is also that something, which needs to be embraced. But the medium, I guess might be different or the strategy to embrace might need a re-look.

Excerpt #4

The person leading you toward spiritual awakening
is not the one who praises you or is nice to you.
Your spirituality deepens because of those
who insult you and give you a hard time.
They are your spiritual teachers in disguise.

For the last twenty years, I have met innumerable spiritual teachers in disguise. I may hate to call them teachers. But from them, I feel I have learnt to take the path to make new forays into unexplored zones. I got bruised. I bled. Somehow, I learnt to survive and continue with what I am today or where I wish to be tomorrow. 

Excerpt #5

Life is like a theater. You are assigned a role.
If you don’t like the role,
keep in mind that you have the power to re-create the
role you want.

This path is not a smooth one. There is gunpowder in the air. From a distance, I can smell something insanely bitter. Yet, I won’t step back. I’ve made that move; to re-create the role, I want.

On November 23rd, Haemin Sunim tweeted: 

A part of you that is imperfect or broken can motivate you to work hard to overcome it and can ultimately bring you success in life. Do not despair over what is imperfect in yourself. Instead, look at your flaws with love. #LoveforImperfectThings

If I sit down to count my series of flaws, I may end up tagging them ‘infinite’. But I haven’t look at my own flaws with love. Most of the times, they have been brought to my notice by others. I have started noticing them very recently. Since love wasn’t the way in which I tried looking at them, I always felt, there might be something, which is missing in here.

On October 11th, Haemin Sunim wrote something absolutely phenomenal:

Do not beg for people’s attention. As you discover and develop your unique strengths, they will pay attention to you automatically. #LoveforImperfectThings

Of late, I have seen people try many tricks to seek attention of others. These tricks left me broken emotionally and hampered my emotional intelligence. So, I developed my own unique strengths. The desired attention did come my way. But, there was no dearth of jealousy and unkind temperament around these strengths. I chose to read what Haemin Sunim wrote. I read it again and again. Perhaps this habit of repetitive reading somewhere ended up answering one of the most important questions of my life.

As I conclude, I wish to thank my friend Sia for making me aware of Haemin Sunim; his book and of course the many ways in which, he inspires, motivates and stimulates our minds. 

Picture Courtesy: buddhistdoor.net

It’s high time, life takes a front seat and all other nonsensical stuff take a backseat. 

So, until I write/ blog/ publish/ share something new in the coming days, I wish to quote Haemin Sunim again - Do you know the biggest regret of the dying? “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Are you walking on the path true to yourself?

I guess, that question, which he asked should answer everything that we could be struggling with. 

- Virtuous Vociferous | December 08 | December Blog-1 | Never Settle | 2019