DURGA PUJA (PUJO) IS ALMOST KNOCKING ON THE DOORS

Durga Puja is oxygen,

survival, a moment of awakening

for the red blooded Bengalis.

Devlina Ganguly happily wrote on September 30; just two days after Mahalaya - Calcutta during #DurgaPuja is a fairytale land. No matter the workload, the traffic or any other shit, the Pujo (Puja) feel is so contagious that the smile keeps coming back on your face. The heart brims over with happiness.

Durga Puja, Picture Courtesy: Lonely Planet, India

For a moment, the heart jumped with joy.

The heartbeats tried to synchronize with the rhythm of Dhak playing on Gaana.Com.

Unexpectedly, the mind gently slipped into the dark comfort of a cute little boat, which set sail from the Princep Ghat; now moving slowly towards the middle of the sacred river.

I know, all of it is just an imagination.

But, before that, it was my friend Satabdi Sarkar, who sent an urgent message on WhatsApp; the message carried the title of this blog post in bold – PUJO (PUJA) IS ALMOST KNOCKING ON THE DOORS. I just added Durga in the beginning to make it more obvious, clearer.

The door/ doors, mentioned by Satabdi Sarkar, is the heart of a Bengali or the hearts of innumerable Bengalis (including me, my immediate neighbor, my others); be it the Resident or the Probashi. Durga Puja is oxygen; Durga Puja is survival; Durga Puja in every sense is a moment of awakening for the red blooded Bengalis.

I must tell you, opinions stand divided too about the happy population of Bengalis.

Some onlookers, followers, critics, reviewers, fans of Bengali culture wish to know:

• What does Pujo do to Bengalis?
• Are Bengalis busy seeking love during Pujo?
• How can Bengalis have nonveg food during religious festivities?
• Is it true that Bengalis grow completely insane from Panchami to Dashami?

To me, the rising smoke from Dhunuchi is the first sign of Agomoni (the arrival); the first rhythm, the Dhaki sets the Dhak to is the second sign of a much awaited festival; the early morning of Mahalaya is the third sign. And once the Devipaksha begins; there is no looking back. It is all about the Pujo; not just ordinary Pujo but Durga Pujo (Puja).

Festivals are to be celebrated together. But, just when the Pujo is about to begin, what if someone breathes her or his last? The heart sinks; the mind numbs; the vision narrows; the words disappear; the euphoria calms. But does the Bengali soul in us sit down quietly? Perhaps not! Because by the time, I reach the end of this blog post, a Bengali from the other corner of the world will be wishing Shubha Panchami to a Bengali from just another corner of the world.

Yes. Durga Pujo (Puja) is almost not knocking on the doors any more. It has begun! Time to bring the hands together, blend into festivities of yet another amazing year. And, maybe wait for yet another love story to unfold. Oh did someone say, they will be serving Rosogolla after the Bhog? Dada, count me in. I will be right there. Come Maa. Let’s go!

- Virtuous Vociferous | October 02 | October Blog-1 | Never Settle | 2019

SHE WILL WAIT FOR ME

She is a love story.

She is a heartbeat. 

She is no secret. 

She comes dressed in a lemon-yellow shade of wild butterflies. She is slowly walking behind the hurricane like office crowd; she has put on moderate makeup; she is not pretentious of being a little late than the decided time to meet; she is smiling. Of late, she seems a bit harrowed by the pressing demands of a scorching September heat and faltering monsoons. At first sight, I am besotted by her. She is a love story, I wish to repeatedly narrate. She is a heartbeat. She is no secret. She is Kolkata.

To others, this might seem like a mere coincidence. But for me, this is reality. I am missing her immensely. My plight is that of an addict, to whom the reason of intoxication (read reason of happiness) is forbidden. Since, she is Kolkata, my emotions are running high due to some known reasons:

Reason #1: YouTube is sharing suggestions of videos dedicated to Durga Puja. Also on the playlist are those jukeboxes of Dhak Music for Durga Puja (each spanning over 60 minutes).

Reason #2: Twenty minutes into the Soumik Sen directed Bengali movie MAHALAYA instantly reminds me of the timeless tradition, I have been following – listening to Birendra Krishna Bhadra’s recitation of Mahishasur Mardini.

Reason #3: As I am about to finish reading Biswanath Ghosh’s book about his experience in Kolkata (Longing Belonging – An outsider at home in Calcutta), he leaves me feeling emotional again. It is this description on page 187, which moisten my eyes; through his words, he is painting a portrait of the euphoria, I feel along with millions of Bengalis, about the arrival of Durga Puja.

When the flowers of Chatim, devil’s tree, begin to drench the nights with their sharp, seductive scent, you know Goddess Durga and her four children are on their way to a pandal near your home. 

I feel, with every passing day, she is making it so impossible to stay away from her. Especially during the upcoming Durga Puja, I wish, I could be with her. No doubt, she says something very amazing about herself – I am myself, the city of joy. It’s so tough to not love those, who come to my life. For the few days or the lifetime that they continue being in my life, I make sure that they don’t leave. And even if they wish to leave, they do so by feeling the joy of being with me.

Romantic and rebellious; often taken for granted on certain occasions, she walks by my side in the park. I am almost caught unawares, when she suddenly takes my hand in hers, looks deep into my eyes and asks – Will you not come to be with me during Durga Puja? I stare at her blankly. I hesitantly pull out my mobile phone to check the calendar. My heart cowers when I tell her – Sorry. I can’t!

She turns her eyes away from me. She looks straight into the horizon, where the waving waters of Mother Ganges are merging with the skies. A boat passes through. She looks at me again and tells me with a drop of tear in her eyes – I will miss you. I repeat – I will miss you (too).

Today when I call her, in a trembling voice, she tells me – I am a little upset. I stay quiet. All of a sudden, she says – Hey. I am fine. I hear her get excited over some suggestions, she eagerly wishes to share with me. I don’t stop her. After she is done with her long list of suggestions in one breath, I break her heart again. I tell her – I will try. But I know, I will not succeed. Maybe next year.

City of joy, as she loves to be known and addressed; she quietly listens and tells me – You can come down any time of this year. Let’s celebrate our lost moments of Durga Puja by being happy together.

I am about to disconnect the call, when I hear something playing in her background. I ask her – What’s that sound?

Joyously she replies – Someone is playing Dhak in the background. Durga Puja is round the corner.

Finding it tough to fight back my tears, I grow silent for some while. Then I tell her – From next year, every year, during Durga Puja I shall be with you.

She hears me and says – I am your city of joy. Your one and only Kolkata. Come to me anytime; I will eagerly wait for you.

- Virtuous Vociferous | September 18 | September Blog-2 | Never Settle | 2019

THE SHADOW OF THE EVENING

FRIENDSHIP is 

THE SHADOW OF THE EVENING, 

which increases with 

the setting sun of life.

‘I did read your story. You know, one of those stories, you had shared a link of it one fine day. Yeah, now I remember. THE TINY TRAIN TO NOWHERE. It was a good story. I loved it. I simply loved it.’

If I had paid attention to the roaring sound of swelling rains. If I had thought about my car, which I had parked beneath a half bent branch of a fragile tree. If I had focused on the 50 second promo of an upcoming sitcom… If I had done any of those; I could have missed these golden words. These words are from an evening, which I had almost no hopes from. But I still chose to drove down. And during discussions around our love for books, he spoke up. In the shadow of rains and a ruthless power cut; these were his words. Words, which came my way from my dear friend of childhood.

‘At times, I look at your Facebook posts. I must tell you, I don’t like them. You are a positive person. You are way more optimistic than me. You read so many books. But why are you so angry? Why are you so hurt? Get rid of those negative energies and stop being rude to yourself. If you wish to send out your own vibes, make sure they are positive!’

More than social media, he has known me more in reality. I never thought, we can ever be friends. Strangely little did we know that we were bound to be friends, from our college days till today. Not only does the journey of our lives run parallel to each other. But the journeys of our tragedies have been running parallel too. Honestly speaking, we share the same timeline of bitter events and broken memories. Yet, whenever we meet in the shadow of our conversations and breathless laughter; his words echo within me.

‘I am the roommate of your friend. As I like reading she suggested me if I would like to read your book and return to her. So I did read half of the book and I really liked it. It's the less words which impacts, and you made it clear with your book. Though I have few questions out of curiosity if you don't mind answering!! I am yet to finish your book; I will give you feedback once I am done with it totally. Till then take care.’

In the shadow of my table lamp, on July 28-2017, at round 9.07 pm, I was reading this email from her. I hadn’t seen her. But I knew, she had read my first ever book – BETWEEN MEMORIES OF YOU AND ME, We Exist. Then she wrote again…

‘Things that came to my mind when I was reading your book that is... Has he been through this? Or has he seen anyone around him going through the same and he has written in? Where did you get your inspiration to write this book? And why this subject? I am just curious because every writer is a normal person first that is the reason I am asking you this question. Don't worry about responding soon. Take your own time I have no hurry!! Hope you have a good week!’

Since July 28-2017 till today, our conversations sounds the same. She writes in more to me than I write back less to her. Yet, she is one of those, who will sit in the shadow of the most simplistic thing, smile effortlessly and make me imagine again. My imaginations will continue stretching between July 28-2017 and August 02-2019. Still nothing would change between this friend of mine and me.

‘Be in allowance. Question everything. Don’t expect anything. We are all here, in this world for a reason. Let life take its own time. Let the universe answer everything in its own way. Don’t be rigid. Be in allowance.’

We met after a decade. We met in the overcrowded, loud surrounds of a food court on the second level of a newly opened mall on a less known highway. Her thoughts had changed. Her life had rapidly changed. But she had remained the same friend, I had met almost ten years ago. We never had long conversations then. She had just joined the office. Yet, we stayed in touch. Only to thank this today in our lives, when we still discuss our lives at ease and with loads of love. She has been a positive influence and in the shadow of her soulful smile, I always look forward to a life, which hasn’t yet showered all the little gems of happiness on us.

‘One day, I wish to go there with you, my friend. I have heard it’s an ‘unreal’ place.’

On October 18, 2016, in the shadow of tough morning hours, I read this message of hers. These words of hers were written across to me, in the company of a photograph. The photograph was that of Havana in Cuba. These were her honest words. And when I did meet this friend of mine, she came down dressed in my favorite shade of yellow. From then till today, I have always called her ‘HOLOOD PRAJAPATI’ meaning Yellow Butterfly. As a friend, from a distance of more than 2000 kms, she sends me positive vibes of immense nature. Every time, I am faced with a challenge, she empowers me with one or the other mantra of Good Life.

‘I had to make a choice between a call, chat, message and a letter. And I chose to write a letter to you.’

Between the months of May 2018 and August 2018, I was a broken soul. I had left the job with an agency I had given 48 months of my life to. I had sacrificed my personal happiness too, to meet their deadlines and build a reputation of high honor for them. But I was mistaken. They ignored me and made sure to build up pathetic pressure, which left things intolerable for me and I chose to depart. My salary was withheld. My bank accounts were running dry. And I was in serious debt. In the shadow of unending problems, I received a call. She was my one-time colleague from a communication house, we had both worked together in. She was calling me to make an offer. That offer was going to change my life forever. I ended up writing the script for UBUNTU, a play performed by the autistic kids of a well-established school in South Mumbai. The school paid me, what I demanded. The script was well-appreciated. And I am still thankful to my friend of mine, who introduced me to the never known world of innocence. Even today, she reads every word of mine with great interest and always tells me – Keep Writing. 

All words, I wrote here are real words of no one else but my friends. These are those friends who have stood by me during all the thick and thins. These are friends who have stood by me during broken days and shattered nights. These are friends and their words who have always made me believe – They are there for me.

But that doesn’t necessarily mean that those who are not friends any more are not important to me. They are very important. In fact, when I helped them, they still chose to show me, I mean nothing to them. I thank them for this honesty of their betrayal and hurt. At least by betraying my trust and hurting me deeply, they have proved to me that FRIENDSHIP is THE SHADOW OF THE EVENING, which increases with the setting sun of life.

Trust me, those six up there are the six most important shadows of my life. And if you are wondering, why haven’t I mentioned their names; I must say they don’t even need to be named. They know, I love them all IMMENSELY.

Apart from the six most important shadows of my life, A BIG SHOUT OUT TO MY FRIENDS FROM PUNE. LOVE YOU ALL FOR EVERYTHING THAT YOU MEAN TO ME AND WILL CONTINUE BEING TO ME.

Love you all. Happy Friendship Day.

- Virtuous Vociferous | August 04 | August Blog-1 | Never Settle | 2019

MAA IS THE FIRST WORD

Maa and me - 1978

My eyes are moist. My heart is numb. 

My mind is rewinding every moment, which have held my mom and me together.

“I am going off to sleep”, she said.

“I will go off to sleep too”, I replied.

But I didn’t.

I quietly slipped into my bedroom.

I was too excited to write on two topics, which had just started trending in my mind:

• ·         Topic #1 – Excitement over exit polls (it’s a known fact that I am a huge fan of our country’s Prime Minister)
• ·         Topic #2 – In the cities that we live in (inspired from a debate over liking/disliking the cities we live in)

I switched on the laptop and before the screen could come alive, I was browsing through some news items on my mobile phone. Little did I know that I would discover an amazing tribute to the first word we utter, when we start speaking – MAA. The tribute that I am speaking about is this song - https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=28&v=Fia1gcooPlQ

Maa - Amitabh Bachchan & Yajat Garg | Anuj Garg | Puneet Sharma |
Shoojit Sircar and team

Yes. MAA is the first word. From the time, we are born, that’s the first word and the last word as well.

I begin my day with the first word every day – Maa. And yet, I feel, I haven’t said it enough or I haven’t felt it enough.

Maa. She has been through every pain of her own and mine as well. Yet, not a single complaint.

This April, Maa turned 65. She was in Kolkata during her birthday. And yet, on her birthday when I wished her, she asked me to take care of myself. Such is Maa.

As I continue writing this, the voices of Master Yajat Garg and Mister Amitabh Bachchan are still flowing into my ears. I am emotional. My eyes are moist. My heart is numb. My mind is rewinding every moment, which have held my mom and me together.

Since my birth till today and right now, I am my Maa’s first concern. Even before I am awake at 5 AM, she’s up and away for a walk. Her addictions are limited to gardening, tending to flowers, worship and cooking for me.

Every time, I question myself, if I’ve done enough for Maa. But it’s never too enough. She is Maa. I was born out of her. For the nine months that I kept growing in her womb; did she ever hold any expectations. Even today when I grow emotional, she’s the first one to know about the reasons behind my restlessness.

I thank Mister Shoojit Sircar and his team for changing my mind and inspiring me to write this down.

After all, Maa is the first word. Maa is the world, in which I still feel safer!

- Virtuous Vociferous | May 20 | May Blog-2 | Never Settle | 2019

IN THAT PERSONAL SPACE OF ‘I BEING ME’

In times of uncertainty, we delve deeper. We develop a habit of interrogating every cause and their immediate effect. Being human, we are more inclined towards evidence, which can be documented, disbursed.

These are also the times, when we are caught in the radar of adversaries. They never reveal their real identity. They hide behind masks. They are ten steps ahead of us. They wait to strike with their flappy plans. They see their favorite prey in us.

Things grow murkier, when we, the uncertain us, join hands with our adversaries to follow what they claim to be the best; also certain about. This agreement is based on the pure insight of we supposedly seeking support to sustain our sinking belief, faith and trust in us. We are too late to realize; this is how we make ourselves available to be taken for granted. In short, we cross over to an unknown territory, a space where we don’t belong to, a space which only belongs to our adversaries. Forget it, shit happens, things stink; we need to move on.

Thus, I decided to differ and use this opportunity to create a personal space of mine. This is that personal space of ‘I being me’. I am at no one’s mercy. I am in no one’s favor. I am the one to decide, when I am faced with a single challenge or an army of unthinkable contingencies; as to whom I am answerable to; whom I am not answerable to.

When I am in that personal space of ‘I being me’, I am not sure of my actions going down well with everybody. I might sound very less demanding of others; I might seem very excessively demanding of me, myself. This space could make me grow nasty or turn me into a beast of worst things. Time suggests, I take complete advantage of this space. Trust me, I have started doing that.

Now the question arises of whether I stand to hurt the feelings of those, who are trying to help me through uncertainties. It is up to them to decide. I haven’t spoken a single word, which is bitter in taste; neither would I act against their instincts. Only my response would be ill-timed or probably out of context. If they trust me, they will continue to respect this space. If they don’t, they can each their own. On an honest note, favors are not forgotten; they are to be done justice with. Why would I be different then?

Right now, I am in a happy space. It did involve the much anticipated bit of struggle to find my way into this space. But I am left with no regrets. Neither do I repent over the wrong decisions, which only ended up making me more vocal to demand what is right with regards to my fundamental right.

‘I being me’ is a selfish little space of being content. I am not seeking solidarity in here, but I am aware about its existence. This space may make one grow intolerant. The levels of discomfort may hit an all-time high. But this move is a constructive activity; the steps already taken or to be taken are of statistical nature; the overall objective is to surrender to this space and rediscover the nature and the character, I am made of.

To conclude, if I am a being, I have the right to claim, to create, to construct and to constitutionalize what I truly believe in. Since I am not just a being, but a human being, who is endeavoring to be different, I don’t need your permission. I just wish to continue being in that personal space of I BEING ME.

PS: Dedicated to the seventh month of all months – July… and to the one born in this month of July.

- Virtuous Vociferous | July 29 | July Blog-5 | Making of the beast | 2018

NOMADIC BY CHOICE

Ralph Weldo Emerson had once quoted

“Live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air”

From the time I discovered this quote, my mind hasn’t stopped slipping in and out of a meditative state. Every action, I’ve been initiating since then has been a lot more footloose, free and fun as well.

Talking about being footloose, free and fun, reminds me of the nomad that I’ve been seeking for a long time. Therefore, today when I settled down with a sane mind to think, I decided that I would rather write things with a nomadic bent of mind.

I can sense the nomad. From millions of miles away, I can sense the nomad. Do I need any words to describe it as well? I am fine being the nomad with the nomad.

The transition may seem sudden but it isn’t. The transition is a result of many untaken journeys to barren lands, forgotten destinations and unheard philosophies.

I am enjoying this transition. Even though it is just a week now; the nomad and I have been together. We are exploring. The nomad is invisible at the moment. Right now, the nomad is an imagination, which doesn’t necessarily demand to be presented in a human form. Is the nomad human? Undoubtedly the nomad is human. I would rather say - "I am in love with my Dear Nomad. Let the world count my words and sense through."

The nomad is immune to all opinions. The journey with the nomad too is immune to all opinions. To sum it up, I am in a mood to celebrate this nomadic state of being rather than staying stuck in fulfilling expectations.

My desires are in place - “To live in the sunshine, swim the sea, drink the wild air”

But I am not alone anymore; this fertile phase of transition is with me. The nomad is with me! Cups after cups of coffee to run an unending marathon of words. Thankfully the thinking nomad's soul beats within me to keep me going strong and take the right turn to destinations undefined!

At this moment, as I stare at a blank piece of paper, I can envision the path ahead. There are challenges; big, small and unimaginable. But are these challenges going to pose a bigger challenge? As if I care! The path that I am envisioning right now possesses an element of distance; a distance that can’t be gauged or covered within a span of few hours. The presence of the nomad is the truth. The truth now is nomad.

As I reach the end of this post, I would like to open an imaginary bottle of champagne in my mind and spray its contents on everybody around it. Why am I celebrating? The reason is something; I think the other half of my imagination, the nomad is in a position to reply.

Days will conclude as weeks, weeks as months and then months as a complete year. Happily, there will be no regrets. Because even if none of us travel solo or together, the journeys would continue in full swing.

I see no reason to better conclude this post without bringing the nomad’s words into play - "The cleaved soul of the Nomad was left open to fix up. The other Nomad shamelessly slid in with love and stole it forever."

-Virtuous Vociferous | November 19 | November Blog-1 | 2017