DECEMBER DIARY PAGE 1 – The Haemin Sunim Impact

“I wish I'd had the courage 
to live a life true to myself, 
not the life others expected of me.”

Haemin Sunim. This name has been ringing a bell. One of my dearest friend has got me introduced to this man of great honor. I haven’t read his book – THE THINGS YOU CAN SEE ONLY WHEN YOU SLOW DOWN: HOW TO BE CALM IN A BUSY WORLD. But luckily, some excerpts of this wonderful book have come my way; one again with timely help offered from my dearest friend. 

Picture Courtesy: Google

I therefore wish to dedicate this blog to the various things, I learnt from the excerpts; now available with me. 

Excerpt #1

When someone tells you, “No,”
don’t react emotionally and lose control. 
“No” may open up a surprising new world to you.
“No” may unexpectedly lead you to good people. 
If you begin to push against the unchangeable “No,”
you will suffer in the process and miss other opportunities. 

The above paragraph made me look back at 2019 and the many years prior to that. I was reminded of all the testing times, when a ‘No’ or a series of multiple ‘Nos’ came my way. I did exactly the opposite of what Haemin Sunim has gently advised us not to practice. 
Am I feeling terrible about it? Initially I did. But, I read the lines, a few more times. The core of the message, Haemin wants to put across kept getting clearer. His DON’T is not conveying a negative message. His Don’t is drenched in positive vibes and somewhere he is trying to tell us, “let that NO come our way.” Only reminding me of another lovely suggestion made by another good friend of mine, who had one said, “Be in acceptance. Question everything. Expect nothing.”

Excerpt #2

The world will keep turning even without you.
Let go of the idea that your way is the only way,
that you are the only one who can make it happen.

In simple words, Haemin has said something, which has time and again been the reason of all the stubbornness within me. The world is going to go with the flow. Even if I were to stand like a wall, there are forces which will make a breakthrough. I took some time to accept, I am a human being; I am a small particle of this universe. I am element, which is filled with energy. And I am not the only one to make a million things happen. My way exactly might not be the only way. The heart did break at reading this. But I recovered faster because of the reality these three lines reflect of.

Excerpt #3

Do not lament that the world has changed.
Do not resent that people have changed.
Evaluating the present through the memories of the 
past can cause sadness. 
Whether you like it or not, change is inevitable.
Embrace and welcome it.

So far, I kept sharing the same quote – CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT. But these lines have put that very CHANGE on a very different pedestal. It is a bitter reminder of the many times, I have settled down for breakfast on the dining table. My mom has sat across me and I have definitely evaluated the present through the memories of the past, which has caused sadness, anger, frustration, bitterness and negativity. I know, I can’t like everything. But that everything is also that something, which needs to be embraced. But the medium, I guess might be different or the strategy to embrace might need a re-look.

Excerpt #4

The person leading you toward spiritual awakening
is not the one who praises you or is nice to you.
Your spirituality deepens because of those
who insult you and give you a hard time.
They are your spiritual teachers in disguise.

For the last twenty years, I have met innumerable spiritual teachers in disguise. I may hate to call them teachers. But from them, I feel I have learnt to take the path to make new forays into unexplored zones. I got bruised. I bled. Somehow, I learnt to survive and continue with what I am today or where I wish to be tomorrow. 

Excerpt #5

Life is like a theater. You are assigned a role.
If you don’t like the role,
keep in mind that you have the power to re-create the
role you want.

This path is not a smooth one. There is gunpowder in the air. From a distance, I can smell something insanely bitter. Yet, I won’t step back. I’ve made that move; to re-create the role, I want.

On November 23rd, Haemin Sunim tweeted: 

A part of you that is imperfect or broken can motivate you to work hard to overcome it and can ultimately bring you success in life. Do not despair over what is imperfect in yourself. Instead, look at your flaws with love. #LoveforImperfectThings

If I sit down to count my series of flaws, I may end up tagging them ‘infinite’. But I haven’t look at my own flaws with love. Most of the times, they have been brought to my notice by others. I have started noticing them very recently. Since love wasn’t the way in which I tried looking at them, I always felt, there might be something, which is missing in here.

On October 11th, Haemin Sunim wrote something absolutely phenomenal:

Do not beg for people’s attention. As you discover and develop your unique strengths, they will pay attention to you automatically. #LoveforImperfectThings

Of late, I have seen people try many tricks to seek attention of others. These tricks left me broken emotionally and hampered my emotional intelligence. So, I developed my own unique strengths. The desired attention did come my way. But, there was no dearth of jealousy and unkind temperament around these strengths. I chose to read what Haemin Sunim wrote. I read it again and again. Perhaps this habit of repetitive reading somewhere ended up answering one of the most important questions of my life.

As I conclude, I wish to thank my friend Sia for making me aware of Haemin Sunim; his book and of course the many ways in which, he inspires, motivates and stimulates our minds. 

Picture Courtesy: buddhistdoor.net

It’s high time, life takes a front seat and all other nonsensical stuff take a backseat. 

So, until I write/ blog/ publish/ share something new in the coming days, I wish to quote Haemin Sunim again - Do you know the biggest regret of the dying? “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Are you walking on the path true to yourself?

I guess, that question, which he asked should answer everything that we could be struggling with. 

- Virtuous Vociferous | December 08 | December Blog-1 | Never Settle | 2019

AIR CONDITIONER: PARALYZED

Picture Courtesy: Google

The air conditioner has been rendered paralyzed.

It was performing well, in sync with the real world, real time and real people. The air conditioner installed inside didn’t allow the rough temperatures, which were ruining our outsides to ruin our insides. Somehow, the joy of being in the confines of an air-conditioned environment was pleasant.

None of us had the faintest of idea that the same air conditioner will be rendered paralyzed, so suddenly!

If recollected, from hey days, the air conditioner had a charm of its own. The disruption commenced with the illogical adjustments of temperatures that the air conditioner was subjected to. After a week’s time or so, the wings of the air conditioner wasn’t allowed to swing. Dodging all concerns of global warming, the temperatures were also set at 25^o C, sometimes 26^o C and sometimes, simply unmentionable temperatures!

Till the time, the winters hadn’t lost its grip on the atmosphere, a momentary break from the air conditioner was welcome. But winters are fast receding, summers are charging in. At such a crucial juncture, the air conditioner hangs there, lonely on that wall; seemingly defunct or more directly put – paralyzed. Had this condition being human, we would have tagged it as brain-dead.

Ironically even if the air conditioner is found switched off repeatedly, either the remote goes missing or is found aimlessly wandering in between spaces of our desks. The situation is tricky.

No human group has claimed official responsibility of the now dysfunctional air conditioner also known as the paralyzed air conditioner. Voices of resentment were last heard, out of some hoodies, which kept human faces hidden beneath. They are not directly responsible for the air conditioner being rendered paralytic but, they are indirectly somewhere responsible. This untimely paralytic attack has jeopardized some unsettled body temperatures.

At times, amusement sets in and a question repeatedly pops up – What is a centralized air conditioning system is put in place? If at all this system is put in place, will the souls beneath hoodies still torture it and puncture the inner temperatures? Presently there is no one replying and suddenly I can feel a cool wave of breeze flowing out of the air conditioner. So, has the air conditioner being rendered paralyzed for real?

- Virtuous Vociferous | February 18 | February Blog-2 | Never Settle | 2019

THROUGH THE DAY

She is relentless.

Over the years, she has been wielding power.

I remember the slogan, she had introduced us to – Mother, Earth, Human.

We were waking up to brightness from an era of darkness.

Her arrival on the political canvas had meant independence from hooliganism.

Sorry to make a note and blow a bugle of caution; she has reversed the course of hooliganism and remolded it into something worse than that.

Her political demands have never followed a pattern.

In the past, she was a rebel, I had personally looked up to.

Today, she is someone, I don’t wish to even catch a glimpse of.

Her speeches are punctuated with hatred.

The least, I had expected of her was to witness an unnecessary change – West Bengal to Bangla.

What next?

She is talented.

Today she turned the stage into a space of well-choreographed miracle.

I read through the reviews, she had curated to be shared across.

It didn’t take me much time to realize; I had missed out on a real talent, performing live on stage.

Till the eventuality of ‘next time’ resurfaces and she decides to dance on stage, I shall wait.

She is unpredictable.

I know it was not on purpose.

The language is to be blamed. The time is to be held responsible.

During late hours, none of us are at liberty to weigh the impact of words.

I might have overreacted; it seemed so unnecessary the next moment.

Just a word, to think about. In the end, everything remains the same.

She is happiness.

I am sure, she might have repeated the shade of yellow.

Her fondness for that particular color isn’t hidden.

It was her birthday yesterday. She made sure to wear the shade, which always makes her happy.

Our conversations were too thin throughout the day.

But somehow, I left her craving for a cup of tea, just through a menial conversation of mine.

She is trying.

I know, it is not too easy to tolerate someone who has grown unpredictable.

But life needs to be balanced between possibilities and probabilities.

I think someday, she will definitely get the picture right in her mind.

Maybe that day, her anger and her irritation will also settle down.

She is daredevil.

In the toughest of moments, she will end up sending a message, which will guarantee a hefty laugh.

Her approach towards life is so positively driven, I am timelessly greedy to continue seeking inspiration from her.

She is calm.

Storms don’t move her a bit; emotional storms to be precise.

She never reacts. She neither overreacts.

She prays. She prays through days. She prays through nights.

All she has is the one, she gave birth too.

She makes sure, he continues to live his dreams and makes their dreams comes true.

She is clueless.

Guided by wrong people, her mistakes are not to be counted or discussed about.

After a period of time, she is to be forgiven and forgotten.

She is she.

Spending time amidst children with special needs isn’t easy.

But she does it with envious ease.

Through the day all I sensed…  

She is some kind of a mystic medley that surrounds me.

- Virtuous Vociferous | July 27 | July Blog-4 | Making of the beast | 2018

IN THE SERIES OF NASTY REALITY/REALITIES

In general, I am too careful about anything or everything that belongs to me. I am overprotective. I am over possessive. I am overzealous in making tall claims about how nothing goes missing. But such are the twists of times. In the last one month’s time, I’ve lost two things; the loss of which pushes me down the aisle of unnecessary thoughts. But the truth remains unchanged; I couldn’t insure myself against these losses. 

So, what are the two things, which I couldn’t protect from losing?

A total of two: 1) A digital lock and 2) The duplicate key to my bicycle.

In a span of two months, two losses! Therefore, this is not my moment of glory or considerable fodder to imagine, craft, write or narrate a story. But I am still at it; greedy enough to tell the story.

The digital lock that I am speaking about just disappeared. Even though I don’t remember the exact time day, date and the moment of the loss, I remember having returned from my seven-day stay in Kolkata and seeing it hanging intact, from one of the corners of my suitcase. A minute later that I was reminded of procuring the same and putting it back to its regular place, the digital lock had disappeared. But I believe the loss was inevitable. The signs and symbols of its loss had been coming my way for a long time. I ignored all of them. I do remember a similar experience in the month of April. We had not gone too far but, we still chose to pack our clothes in a suitcase, which was locked with the help of the same digital lock (now lost). On our return, the lock had disappeared in similar circumstances and resurrected after a week. This time, the loss took an irreversible form when the combing operation launched by me (within the residence) produced no results. The investigation was carried out for one week in a row. The investigation included lying flat on the ground to check the remains beneath the bed. The investigation also involved a moment wherein I extracted every stinky content from the trash can, placed them on a piece of paper and still failed to locate the digital clock. The digital lock had disappeared. I suffered a loss and I haven’t yet stopped repenting the loss.

The second incident of losing another possession of mine took place this morning. At around 5 AM, I put my hands in a cloth jacket, to pull out the keys to my bicycle. On pulling out the key-chain, I was shocked to see one of the duplicated keys having gone missing. Once again, the instantly launched combing operation yielded no results. Signs of this loss had come my way in the beginning of this week. The (now) missing key had chosen to dive out of my trouser. But I managed to put it back. But the story changed this morning. I had incurred another loss.

But I am amused by the pattern of these losses. The digital lock went missing in the beginning and was followed up by the loss of a key. Are these back-to-back losses trying to hint at something? The lock was the first in the series, the key next and then what next? These two losses also make me realize that nothing is permanent in this world. The concept of ‘nothing is permanent’ is too special to me. The credit of my faith belongs to the creation of a Mandala, the representation of the world in divine form, perfectly balanced, precisely designed, is meant to re-consecrate the earth and heal its inhabitants. But it is more than a picture. It requires millions of pieces of sand to make a mandala five by five feet square. It requires a team of monks working anywhere from days to weeks, depending on the size of the mandala, to create this floor plan of the sacred mansion that is life. It requires the interplay of vivid colors and ancient symbols.

When the mandala is finally finished, however long it takes for the monks to deal in this divine geometry of the heavens, they pray over it — and then they destroy it. They sweep it up, every last grain of sand and give handfuls of it away to those who participate in the closing ceremony as a final memory of sublime possibility. Then they throw the rest of the sand into the nearest living stream to be swept into the ocean to bless the whole world. And that’s it. It’s gone. In an instant, after all that artistry, all that work, it’s over.

The underlying message of the mandala ceremony is that ‘nothing is permanent’. Nothing. All things are in flux, it says, beautiful but ephemeral, moving but temporary, a plateau but not a summit. All things are called to balance and enlightenment and the fulfillment of the Divine image in them, yes, but in flux. Always in flux.

Nothing is permanent, neither their state in life — nor ours. The fact is that the politics of permanence is a sham. It has never lasted, and it never will.

I am sure there is an underlying message in my two losses too. The loss of the digital lock indicates that I should not lock myself within the confines of my past or present, pleasant/unpleasant, memorable/forgettable memories, experiences, emotions. I should break free. The loss of the duplicate key to my bicycle indicates that I should endeavor unlocking new doors, new experiences and a new life (a ‘nomadic’ life). In short, I need to let go millions or handful of things by telling myself – ‘nothing is permanent’. And I have to accept the fact that the series of realities will continue being nasty.

(Please note: The text for Mandala portion is a reproduction of https://www.huffingtonpost.com/sister-joan-chittister-osb/mandala-why-destroy-it_b_970479.html)

-Virtuous Vociferous | November 25 | November Blog-2 | 2017