DECEMBER DIARY PAGE 2 – Until the ripples die away

Death after death 
is much more painful 
than death after life.

Terry Pratchett, the humorist had once said – No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away. Before, I could cause my own ripple, my body was thrown in the dungeon. The last sight of my toe was also my last ever connect with the real world. I was not put on pyre. Because no one is left with any time to lit a pyre. Trust me; until your eyes caught sight of my toe, I had still fell alive. Once inside the dungeon, I choked badly. It was death after death, which is much more painful than death after life.

Now that I am gone, you will be required to install a photograph of mine in the drawing room. Black and white photographs are not liked any more. So, please don’t make a mockery of yourself by putting up one. Visitors will queue outside. Some of them will be here for the first time; some of them will be those who had stopped visiting us suddenly; some of them will be the regulars, who kept coming during occasions of happiness and grief.

Please don’t remember or miss me anymore. Try forgetting me and erasing me, my signs from everywhere, which still bears the energies of my painful presence. I am no more alive. I am dead. I have become a ghost. The fire inside the dungeon burnt my skin; the fire was harsh on my hair; the fire turned my already frail body into an unusual lump of nothingness. My ordeal of diesel induced immolation didn’t take much time to get over. Going by the process of rituals, you will have to collect what is left of me in an aluminum tray. Those government employees were not too kind while pulling out my last remains from the dungeon. They left the aluminum tray out in the open. I felt vulnerable to the crows. They kept polishing their beaks to make away with their favorite parts of me. I guess, I had some good luck left with me; the crows missed me. Or they weren’t interested in the burnt remains of a diseased body.

The conversations will get boring now. Many would come, sit by your side, put up a sad face of yours; don’t be surprised to see some replicate your sad pose. Most of them will be curious to know the real reason of my death. Even though, half of them are aware of it, they would want you to repeat the reason. This is a strange habit, born out of binge watching back to back episodes of their favorite series on OTT platforms. Some are prone to repeat watches. So they won’t mind a repeat of the reason of my death, they might have already been aware of. 

Don’t pay any attention to those, who remark – We still can’t believe he is no more. Don’t they know, nothing is permanent in this world! This human body is perishable too. There will also be those, who will surprise you by saying – We felt, we just saw him. Absolutely fake.

Before anyone slips into the role of your mentor and asks you to grow strong, I am advising you in advance to grow strong. Nothing will remain the same. No matter, how much I ask you to not remember me or miss me; you will definitely succumb to the galloping impact of time. My memories will float in your mind; tears will automatically negotiate their release from your eyes. 

Your real work of being related to me, begins now. Since I haven’t left any trail of my possessions, you have to immediately get into fast action mode. You may also need to talk to the priest, choose an appropriate day, to offer your last prayers. Speak to our regular caterer. Ask him to cook my favorite food. Send out invitations to every relative of ours. Rituals of observing the death of a person are far more exhaustive and time consuming than the rituals of a marriage. 

Since we are related to each other, you might be required to shave your head. I leave it up to you. If you aren’t too comfortable moving around with a shaved head; simply avoid! Also; on certain occasions, you may see me in your dreams. Don’t panic. No one is actually dead until the ripples they cause in the world die away. Who knows, I might still be eager to cause my own ripple!

- Virtuous Vociferous | December 09 | December Blog-2 | Never Settle | 2019

DECEMBER DIARY PAGE 1 – The Haemin Sunim Impact

“I wish I'd had the courage 
to live a life true to myself, 
not the life others expected of me.”

Haemin Sunim. This name has been ringing a bell. One of my dearest friend has got me introduced to this man of great honor. I haven’t read his book – THE THINGS YOU CAN SEE ONLY WHEN YOU SLOW DOWN: HOW TO BE CALM IN A BUSY WORLD. But luckily, some excerpts of this wonderful book have come my way; one again with timely help offered from my dearest friend. 

Picture Courtesy: Google

I therefore wish to dedicate this blog to the various things, I learnt from the excerpts; now available with me. 

Excerpt #1

When someone tells you, “No,”
don’t react emotionally and lose control. 
“No” may open up a surprising new world to you.
“No” may unexpectedly lead you to good people. 
If you begin to push against the unchangeable “No,”
you will suffer in the process and miss other opportunities. 

The above paragraph made me look back at 2019 and the many years prior to that. I was reminded of all the testing times, when a ‘No’ or a series of multiple ‘Nos’ came my way. I did exactly the opposite of what Haemin Sunim has gently advised us not to practice. 
Am I feeling terrible about it? Initially I did. But, I read the lines, a few more times. The core of the message, Haemin wants to put across kept getting clearer. His DON’T is not conveying a negative message. His Don’t is drenched in positive vibes and somewhere he is trying to tell us, “let that NO come our way.” Only reminding me of another lovely suggestion made by another good friend of mine, who had one said, “Be in acceptance. Question everything. Expect nothing.”

Excerpt #2

The world will keep turning even without you.
Let go of the idea that your way is the only way,
that you are the only one who can make it happen.

In simple words, Haemin has said something, which has time and again been the reason of all the stubbornness within me. The world is going to go with the flow. Even if I were to stand like a wall, there are forces which will make a breakthrough. I took some time to accept, I am a human being; I am a small particle of this universe. I am element, which is filled with energy. And I am not the only one to make a million things happen. My way exactly might not be the only way. The heart did break at reading this. But I recovered faster because of the reality these three lines reflect of.

Excerpt #3

Do not lament that the world has changed.
Do not resent that people have changed.
Evaluating the present through the memories of the 
past can cause sadness. 
Whether you like it or not, change is inevitable.
Embrace and welcome it.

So far, I kept sharing the same quote – CHANGE IS THE ONLY CONSTANT. But these lines have put that very CHANGE on a very different pedestal. It is a bitter reminder of the many times, I have settled down for breakfast on the dining table. My mom has sat across me and I have definitely evaluated the present through the memories of the past, which has caused sadness, anger, frustration, bitterness and negativity. I know, I can’t like everything. But that everything is also that something, which needs to be embraced. But the medium, I guess might be different or the strategy to embrace might need a re-look.

Excerpt #4

The person leading you toward spiritual awakening
is not the one who praises you or is nice to you.
Your spirituality deepens because of those
who insult you and give you a hard time.
They are your spiritual teachers in disguise.

For the last twenty years, I have met innumerable spiritual teachers in disguise. I may hate to call them teachers. But from them, I feel I have learnt to take the path to make new forays into unexplored zones. I got bruised. I bled. Somehow, I learnt to survive and continue with what I am today or where I wish to be tomorrow. 

Excerpt #5

Life is like a theater. You are assigned a role.
If you don’t like the role,
keep in mind that you have the power to re-create the
role you want.

This path is not a smooth one. There is gunpowder in the air. From a distance, I can smell something insanely bitter. Yet, I won’t step back. I’ve made that move; to re-create the role, I want.

On November 23rd, Haemin Sunim tweeted: 

A part of you that is imperfect or broken can motivate you to work hard to overcome it and can ultimately bring you success in life. Do not despair over what is imperfect in yourself. Instead, look at your flaws with love. #LoveforImperfectThings

If I sit down to count my series of flaws, I may end up tagging them ‘infinite’. But I haven’t look at my own flaws with love. Most of the times, they have been brought to my notice by others. I have started noticing them very recently. Since love wasn’t the way in which I tried looking at them, I always felt, there might be something, which is missing in here.

On October 11th, Haemin Sunim wrote something absolutely phenomenal:

Do not beg for people’s attention. As you discover and develop your unique strengths, they will pay attention to you automatically. #LoveforImperfectThings

Of late, I have seen people try many tricks to seek attention of others. These tricks left me broken emotionally and hampered my emotional intelligence. So, I developed my own unique strengths. The desired attention did come my way. But, there was no dearth of jealousy and unkind temperament around these strengths. I chose to read what Haemin Sunim wrote. I read it again and again. Perhaps this habit of repetitive reading somewhere ended up answering one of the most important questions of my life.

As I conclude, I wish to thank my friend Sia for making me aware of Haemin Sunim; his book and of course the many ways in which, he inspires, motivates and stimulates our minds. 

Picture Courtesy: buddhistdoor.net

It’s high time, life takes a front seat and all other nonsensical stuff take a backseat. 

So, until I write/ blog/ publish/ share something new in the coming days, I wish to quote Haemin Sunim again - Do you know the biggest regret of the dying? “I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” Are you walking on the path true to yourself?

I guess, that question, which he asked should answer everything that we could be struggling with. 

- Virtuous Vociferous | December 08 | December Blog-1 | Never Settle | 2019

TREK #1 09072017 Stage 2

I think recollecting memories of an experience should be turned into a ‘must have’ hobby. Yes, it should be! At the same time, this hobby should not be confused with memory game. According to me, game is a moment and recollection is an experience. My intent behind this opinion is rooted in what I am going to write now. I am writing about the first trek of my life, which I embarked upon on July 9, 2017. I am recollecting memories of that trek, a week later and thoroughly enjoying writing about it. Now you know why recollecting memories of an experience should be turned into a ‘must have’ hobby!

The decision to trek was impulsive and not so impulsive as well. I was enjoying my sabbatical from Facebook. Over a period of time, I got bored of what I was posting, sharing and debating in that space. But someday, somehow a return was on the cards. When I returned, a post by Dark Green Adventures about a trek to Sunset Point in Matheran grabbed my attention. Matheran, it was; my womb of inspiration.

There I was and we were, as decided, at Panvel railway station by 7 am. Krishna, our trek instructor had created a group on WhatsApp. We coordinated through the same and without wasting a single minute, proceeded to Dhodani village (located at 20.4 kms from Panvel railway station). After a quick round of breakfast of Idlis, Tea and Krishna’s Knowledge Nuggets, Krishna sought our introductions in the courtyard of the local temple. The first few names I can recollect at this moment are Aranya or Ananya and Sharanya, Hitesh, Ravi, Deepak, Pranav, Rohan, etc etc.

As planned, we started trekking at around 10:30 am. We were supposed to scale 1200 ft. Krishna led us, so did our hearts and our determination. We kept taking stops. Our first encounter was with paddy crops. Moving ahead we lost our hearts to a tiny waterfall. Post this point, Rohan had to retract; dehydration (maybe) had claimed its first victim. The trek continued.  No one was in a mood to stop or take breaks. But when the opportunities came by, no one shied away from taking that stop and the much needed break to guzzle water, chew some handy snacks, catch up with some breath. Rains were nowhere to be seen. The sun kept getting mightier. Through thick vegetation, we could see two youthful females take the lead; Ananya and Sharanya. I was in the fourth position. Krishna was somewhere in between. Hitesh continued nonstop as well. Pranav was busy discovering the unknown corners. Ravi was to climb last.

From a distance, we could spot the edge of Sunset Point. Fellow trekkers motivated us by remarking, “You are almost there”. But the so called ‘almost there’ kept postponing itself by additional 15 minutes. Did we lose our mojo? No. Did we get it back? But we had never lost it. Once we climbed over, a thick layer of fog enveloped Sunset Point. The much needed rains were here and they came heavily upon us. We were hungry, thirsty but not angry. We knew we had stories to go back home with. The team stuck together. Trekkers as we were. First timers, pro, seasonal, regular; trekkers were rocking. We had done it!

Lunch was served in Osbourne House, a tiny home owned by a villager. Rains had turned thick by now. The little home seemed like a universe of hope for us hungry trekkers. When the food arrived, the first six of us simply jumped in. We finished like Formula One racers and set out to spend some time at Louisa Point. Some of us went missing but, we were tracked down by Krishna’s special searching prowess. Ten of us decided to descend. If the ascent filled us with thrills, the descent was going to be another spinning moment of our lives. Someone was to lead and someone was to finish last. But joy was on its way.

Don’t miss the conclusion - TREK #1 09072017 Stage 3

-Virtuous Vociferous

WOMEN #MakeItHappen ALWAYS

For the uninitiated #MakeItHappen was the chosen theme for 2015; I got to know about it on http://www.internationalwomensday.com/theme.asp#.VP1jF3yUdQ8, a day later. I should be ashamed of it. But I am not. I know women, in particular don’t require a single day to be recognized for their efforts, their contribution and the various roles they play in rehabilitating this society. There is a specific reason, why I chose to use the word ‘rehabilitation’ in context with women and their commitment towards a better future.

When someone utters the term ‘women’, the first thing to cross my mind is colors. I find women very colorful. Women were created by the Super Creator, driven by an objective to make them extremely versatile. Almighty knew that this creation is going to be the significant-most evolution of all times. Womanhood is definitely not easy. Being a man, we might repeatedly fail to do justice to what women really want. I am not trying to criticize the universal breed of men. But in general, women exude multiple shades. Look at the women around us, the multiple roles they slip into, adapt themselves to; without batting an eyelid, never once pestering, just being on their own. These multiple shades are that of motherhood, sisterhood, companion, partner, friend, colleague, mentor, guide, teacher, motivator, acquaintance. 

I was nonetheless keen enough to write and publish this post on March 8. But I avoided doing so, on a day, when the world was busy doing that. The interest never paled out. I think it was a vinyl print that got me intrigued enough to start writing this post a bit differently. This vinyl, targeted towards women, comprised four scary men shouting out of the print and to the left was a softly touched photograph of a young lady. It was not difficult for me to figure out of her being the wife of one of those scary men. In bold letters five of them were wishing HAPPY WOMEN’S DAY to the women of today. Are they trying to say, “There is no country for old women”? Such grammatical confusion can spell disaster; if probed and analyzed on linguistic terms! Luckily no one made a note of it, knowing that all of the well-wishers had been and still continue being eve teasers and mild sex offenders. When such great men come together to wish Happy Women’s Day, I definitely think, it should be left across to women to seek justice and definitely #MakeItHappen.

Women do #MakeItHappen. In my lifetime, I’ve come across an extraordinary pedigree of such women. Starting from my maternal and paternal grandmothers to my own mother, sisters, my beloved and the many others. Every woman left her impression, not just on my mind, but in the entire course of my life. I haven’t forgotten the smallest of things that these women did, to pacify me during extreme outrage, to embrace me during grief, to extend care during adversities, to make me feel at ease while taking up challenges. I think even though I do all the greatest of things, I would never be able to express my gratitude to each one of them, for their resplendent presence in my life.

Sometimes relationships fail. Some of us curl into a cocoon of our own and never wish to come out of it. Women have a tough time dealing with such failures. For them, it is not about just being with somebody, but about someone being there for them. But they never give up. I am sharing this out of sheer experience. I’ve myself been witness to their triumphs. They take it all in their stride, spare a tear or two, seek the skies and then tell themselves, “I can #MakeItHappen”.

Today women are independent than ever before. They are still ill-treated and exploited (every newspaper reports an average of 10 rapes committed across the nation). Equally concerning is the rise of another kind of mentality of brutalizing 2 year olds and 5 year olds. But I am sure that won’t weaken women. Because women are extremely powerful. They are blessed with the special power of creating another life. For the nine months that they treasure this life; the most powerful thing, only women can take the whole credit for.

To sum it up, let me say that women are courage-embodied. In every women there is Goddess Shakti, a Maa Durga. Rightly put forward by Amitabh Bachchan, in the climax of the Vidya Balan starrer masterpiece KAHAANI, he expresses, “Sometime even Gods go wrong. It is said the Gods created the Asura and when the Asura went out of their control and wanted to destroy the universe… the Gods created Maa Durga. All Gods put their powers together and created her for destroying evil. They say the strength of all the mothers was used to create Maa Durga. Every year Maa comes. She vanquishes evil... And she goes back after… making sure all her children are safe.

As a practice, Women’s Day will be back next year, and let me leave it at that by saying they will continue doing their best, they will #MakeItHappen.

-vociferous