Barring the long serpentine
title above, I wish to confess this post of mine comes after a long overhaul of
experiences. At the same time, it might seem like a chronicle of confessions.
My blog has been suffering of late because of two reasons: 1) Procrastination
and 2) Pessimism. I had made myself as well as my blog grow susceptible to
both. Until the thought came striking within me; what is it that I am in quest
of?
The quest is about the long
suppressed writer within me and the omnipresent breed of budding writers around
me. To be honest, I am not a skilled writer but I enjoy the skill of writing
spontaneously. At the same time, the cumbersome breed of budding writers makes
me realize about the serious lack of passion that we all are suffering from. The
passion has gone missing for long. I myself have lost a count of times, I felt
like giving up my profession and looking ahead to an alternative career. A
great soul had long back advised me, the vocation of writing is susceptible to
saturation. I wished not to heed the advice. I ignored and I implored myself to
not give up. Today during my almost a decade-old journey of creative writing,
at times I feel let down. I feel let down not by others but by me, myself. I question
myself as to why I limited myself from acquiring more knowledge.
A self confessed
daydreamer, I’ve been cooking stories from my college days about how I wish to
become a writer. To this date, I’ve seen those daydreams culminate into bitter
nightmares. Simultaneously I’ve been challenged by the new breed of
me-too-want-to-become breed of writers. They talk to me in the language of
Stephenie Meyer and they argue with me with the temperament of E. L. James. I still
enjoy my passionate affair with the morning newspapers. They ignore this old
world charm of reading by using F.O-with-old-habits expression. Am I jealous of
them? To be honest, I don’t have the right to be. Do I feel humiliated? No! All
I feel is that the passion is dead. Most of them are writing with their minds
in place and not the hearts in place. They are resistant to the idea of
rewriting. They are reluctant to the idea of rethinking.
Am I any different? I will
slap myself, if I say I am different. I will be dishonest, if I say I haven’t
turned technical. I have become very methodical with my writing. I have grown
more dependent on briefs. For years, I haven’t seen a proper brief come my way
and have still been held responsible for the debacle of a campaign. But for a
writer, what is the significance of a brief? For a copywriter like me, the
brief’s significance and importance will never lose its steam. Even though, the
seamless writer in me doesn’t desire to bow down to the demands of the outer
world; I bow down shamelessly. Creative writing makes me earn my bread and
butter. Seamless writing helps me earn only accolades, appreciation, applause
and audience.
Friends ask me, “What
happened to the book that you had started writing?”
To be honest, I had started
with many books, many ideas but have completed none. My stories have revolved
around the dark alleys of Mumbai, travelled into the grey sheds of prostitution
dens, delved into the shallow world of complicated relationships, dug the truth
out of partly exposed skeletons, stood a mute witness to the most passionate
physical affairs of a seedy hotel room, got interested in the mind games of
child widows and ran naked on a street of fully clothed bystanders. The writer
in me, never really took off or maybe I held it back from taking off.
Does that make me sound
like a loser? I haven’t given it a thought. Am I frustrated with the world of creative
writing for advertising? To a certain extent, I am. I wish to ask a question –
Why are we writers not allowed to write passionately about brands? Why we are
not allowed to weave a lovely story around the brand? Why we are asked to
follow guidelines? And why there is so less time allowed to explore the many
possibilities of writing?
The new breed of writers
might be in love with the term ‘turnaround time’. I am neither awed nor wowed
by that word. It makes me feel sick of being a writer. The little bit of
passion left in me as a writer, starts fading away. ‘Turnaround Time’ is a term
established by the dispassionate world of BPOs and KPOs. Trying to sound not
that offensive, these places lack the sanity for writers to survive. For heaven’s
sake when someone comes to me asking for ‘Effort Estimate’ of a task that
requires me to be on board as a writer, I squirm! The writer within me dies a
million deaths while filling the many green, yellow, red and violet columns of
an Excel worksheet.
As a writer, I’ve fielded
many questions and misconceptions. One of them has been the most clichéd – Even
though you are a writer, you don’t look like a writer. Only to be followed by
another clichéd – You don’t look like a corporate, but seem more of a creative
person. The world has problems with the old as well as new breed of writers.
Why should we be answerable to misconceptions? Why are we not left alone at
peace with our passion to write?
I never started writing
with a ‘me-too-wants-to-be-a-writer’ attitude. I always was a great fan of the
story sessions; my Didu (maternal grandmother) enthralled me with. Her stories
were always about positive people. She spoke more about victorious kings,
dedicated queens and kingdoms of happiness. Stepping into adulthood, I started
reading more about conspiring kings, deceiving queens and doomed kingdoms. Did
that change my perception towards my granny’s passion of storytelling?
Certainly not! It was her passion of telling stories in a positive light. In
today’s world, it is my passion of narrating stories in a negative light. But
barriers are being raised that is seriously hampering the growth of my passion.
The new breed might sound speaking passionately about writing. But it is only
money that is pulling them towards this profession. They are interested more in
the lucrative side of writing. They are ignorant about the irrational side of
writing.
Even though I have been
writing in different forms for the last one decade and a little more but I am
yet to deliver my best. The quest is incessant. At times, I am on quest of a
creative habitat that helps me do justice to my passion of writing. I have been
a nomad in travelling to various destinations just to be at peace with myself
and writing. But many a restless souls have not allowed the writer in me to be
in full elements. At the same time, I think it is extremely untoward and
unexpected of me to raise my shameless head and hold others responsible for
discounting my presence as a writer! I have been equally dishonest and brutal
to the writer within me.
Thirteen years back when I
had embarked on this journey of writing, very few opportunities were presented
to me to flex my writing skills. In today’s age, I willingly extend an olive
branch to the new breed of curious writers. But they upset me when they burn
the passion within and try to move ahead on the wrong path. I never stop them.
But they start growing over smart. Ignoring the passion for writing, they start
growing passionate about the many other social maladies. I am not insensible to
their desires. But I am insensitive to their pathetic attitude towards the joy
of writing.
Nearing the pinnacle of
this blog post, I still see myself being on a quest for the suppressed writer
within me. And I still find myself abandoned by the dispassionate writers
around me. Lack of creative freedom, presence of wrong mindsets and some
untoward terms like ‘turnaround time’, ‘effort estimate’ and ‘timesheets’ are
driving the yet to be discovered side of us writers crazy. Even if I try to pretend to be sane, I am
not sane. Even though I try to deliver the best, I am delivering crap. For the
simple reason being, the quest of the writer within and the writers around is
unquenchable. And the struggle continues to demand more creative freedom, more
creative space to grow and become a desirable writer some day before we meet
with our easy or painful ends!
-vociferous
